Thursday, August 27, 2009

Dark and Deep pt2

Pain calls me brother, Fear knows me by name, sorrow I know like no other, Anger and I are one and the same, Loneliness is my companion, Darkness inhabits my soul, Deception my way of life, sowing seeds of hate and strife.
Living life behind my masks, all you see is a facade, just when they think they have me figured out, something else is revealed. The only constant in life is me,never changing, friends come and they go, people are born and others die, relationships once strong are broken, and all thats left are echoes of what once was.
I am what I am and that wont change for anyone.
Through pain I gained relief, from fear I have found courage, from sorrow I have the full measure of joy, with anger I have learnt restraint, from loneliness a thorough understaning of the word friendship, In Darkness I finally found light, Deception taught me the value of truth,Friends come and go that's true but that maybe they weren't made to be there in the first place, Relationships broken need not be reforged, I am what I am unyielding but flexible, firm but reasonable, finally able to change.
"Blessed are the hearts that can bend they shall never be broken"Albert Camus

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Dark and Deep

When I walk out of your life,
will you think of me,
or will you wish we had never met?
When i Walk out that door,
will you be waiting for me to ring the bell,
or will you change the lock,
and say "you are not welcome here"?
When I say goodbye,
will that be the end,
or the rebirth of a love never ending?
When I die will anybody miss me,
or will they move on,
forgetting they ever met me?
When I have nothing,
will you be there for me,
or would you be gone,
like hope is for so many?
When you are sad,
and feeling blue,
someone,somewhere is thinking of you.

Friday, August 21, 2009

What's the fuss about love......

This is going to be the longest post I have ever written it’s about a boy and a girl who made the mistake of thinking that love was all that mattered but like everything that was too good to be true it was a lie, so here goes.

HER; How do you put a love story all in one blog from the first time we met to the last time we kissed, and everything in between. He stood a little over 6ft, dark skinned, with a killer smile(wink wink) true he wasn’t sculpted like a greek god but on the court every other athlete paled in comparison he was fast, strong, he was a "god". Falling in love with him was so easy, he was mine and I was his baybee, when he held me , it was like no one else existed but us two, even now I still hear our song “I was made to love you, my hands to touch you , my arms to hold you” He never asked me out but he kissed my forehead in front of the whole school, I never felt like that with anybody. The first time we kissed was magical, I didn’t want to come up for air. He was and always will be my first even though he doesn’t know it,And i may never be able to say it to him.

HIM; When you fall in love, all people talk about is the good part, how you become complete, how it conquers all etcetera etcetera. They never tell about the heartache, or the pain how after you are transported to the heights you could be sent crashing down, with your heart broken in pieces, your pride in tatters, and your whole world torn apart, and it seems the sun will never shine again. I was watching a video she made for me, and I thought I was over her, but the sad fact is, I’m still in love, how come I still wonder, me who has always been capable of loving and leaving now finds it hard to forget about a girl and walk away some would say it’s cos she did the walking away others would say that I have finally grown up, that’s what my Big brother told me he said Only a man can feel such hurt and still care.
And I think I wish I were still a boy, how does love end, what do you have to do to turn love into whatever this is back then we culd hang out all day and not say more than 3 words to each other but it was okay, but now we fill conversations with meaningless talk trying to produce a facsimile of what once was. On the 5th of may 2008, she said our love would last forever and a day, (I guess forever and a day doesn’t last so long in her book) for the first time that I could remember I felt like I could do something worthwhile. People never knew what was in my head all they saw was this fine boy who loved to laugh and play the field but she saw past all that to the child who hated his father, who before he turned 18 spent 2 years not talking to him, who thought having a family wasn’t worth it, who thought he could never hack it as a husband, talk less as a father, until she came along, and for the first time in a long time she gave me back hope she wanted me just me, and it was enough it took me like 4 months to screw up the courage to kiss her and once I did I didn’t want to kiss any other we were together for over a year and not once did I even think about another girl, how do you walk away from that.

She always wanted me to stop drinking ironic how when we broke up she drove me to drink but now I can’t even stand the taste of beer and here I am writing this even though she never gets to read it. I finally understand the story of troy how a whole nation went to war because of a woman cos for her I’d probably do the same. I remember my last hookup some 6 months ago and while I was having sex I called out her name. My friends would ask me if we had sex and I’d say no cos for the first time ever it wasn’t that it was love.

There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever not for better,
Some have gone and some remain.
All these places had their moments,
With lovers and friends
I still can recall,
Some are dead and some are living,
In my life I've loved them all.
But of all these friends and lovers
there is no one that compares with you,
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new,
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before,
I know I'll often stop and think about them,
But in my life I loved you more.

"Love is eternal. That is its terror and its final beauty. Love never ends. The joy may go out of it, and, in time, even the pain may end. But it lingers like a living thing and follows you every moment of your life"

"there is no despair so absolute as that which comes with the first moments of our first great sorrow,when we have not yet known what it is to have suffered and be healed,to have despaired and recovered hope"George Elliot

Monday, August 10, 2009


I have learnt that the trick to sucess, is to make sure every one else fails, if u want to get a job, be the best qualified for that position, make other applicants fail, if you wanna get a girl same thing applies, be everything she wants in a man, make every other guy inadequate, ergo make them fail, but i have come to see that there is an art to making them fail, cos if you are seen as undercutting the competition you might end up been seen as manipulative but when you take time out, and really think about it arent we all.
We do it in little ways reverse psychology or as Sun-Tzu said show them the potential gain, be like a shooting star always out of reach, seem unattainable, make them hunger with every fiber of their being, become entwined in their life, and then dissappear just like that trust me,it works every time.
To the ladies if you know what you want, why dont you just bleeding well say so rather than skulk around the bush like a @#$%^, But my fave move is to project what i want, as if i dont want it, it works all d time like i say to a girl
me:I dont think i'm the kind of guy u should fall in love with cos (list some some mad qualities)
girl:are you serious
me:yeah cos i wuldnt want to have u regret us being friends (or sthg (in)sensitive like that)

“You can’t always get what you want,But if you try sometimes, you might just find, you get what you need.” Rolling Stones.