Saturday, September 26, 2009

Forever and a day

I remember it like it was yesterday the song that was on the radio what she wore every detail remains as fresh as it was a year ago. How she tilted her head and saidit was over and the reasons she gave. It's one year to the day todaysince she walked away she says she's found somebody nubut she still wondeers if i've got somebody to,so I told her the truth that since she's been gone there have been a couple of girls but I learnt my last lesson well after all she taught me.
So this is for my next wifey wherever you are please be gentle.....


Whats up blogsville, It’s been quite q while but I was waiting till I had sthg to say, I went for this job test last week, and I could see that the economic crunch is biting hard, see people looking for jobs like 40,000 people were there for like 50 openings people were now asking me what the questions were can you imagine come see snitching now giving people wrong info was like every bodies fave past time,800 to 1 what were they expecting with odds like that mscheew.

I met up wiv this girl she’s my boy’s (sam) babe’s friend, so I saw her in FB she wasn’t looking all that but when I met her in the flesh brrrrrr! Let’s just say I won’t be single for long she set die she’s so brazen plus she likes hanky panky which I like as well. A lot of my guys have ratings for girls like a point system score 1 for this deduct two for that for me nothing like that I believe man has 3 parts body, spirit, and soul girls dat stimulate my body are a dime a dozen they are the flings, the ones who can stimulate my soul are my girlfriends but the one dat can stimulate my spirit is the one I’m gonna walk down the aisle so for me you either have it or you don’t. Now this girl Body(check) Soul(check) Spirit(hell no) so for the next couple of months or weeks I’m off the flesh market lol.

It’s been almost 3 months since I last tasted alcohol I’m starting to forget what it tastes like so tomorrow I’m gonna call up my friends and just go chill somewhere and drown somebody’s sorrows lol. I wonder if it’s possible to forget how to have sex like if u don’t do it for a while do you just forget how or does it come back to you I would have done a survey but all the boys I know are regular as clockwork so I guess I’ll keep on wondering until one of them gets married, cos they wouldn’t be doing it in a regular.

Spoke to my cuz sometime ago he just got back from summer in yankee and he says he hooked up wiv girls on trains in buses and I got to thinking that I have never hooked up wiv a girl while using such modes of transportation it just doesn’t sound right like I’m in a bus and the conductor Is yelling for passengers in Naija IT JUST DOESN’T SOUND RIGHT , right?

I’m on FB and I see one of my little sisters the girls got like 2 tattoos she’s second to the last If my Pops sees it he is gonna commit a crime(shiverssss)and my Pops seems to know everything we do on FB, once he calls me and says “check so and so’s profile “ I do so and I see status “I’m f@#$^*g high” Pops is like we’ll see how he gets high when I cut off is allowance just like that,so I just gave myself brain my status on FB since then have been innocuous.
This goes out to Scribbles who used to be called THE G______ "no matter where you go make you no forget are o!". lol

Monday, September 14, 2009


FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: is the reason you have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr / Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM

FAKE FRIENDS: never seen you cry
REAL FRIENDS: cry with you

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back
REAL FRIENDS: keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours

FAKE FRIENDS: know a few things about you
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you

FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FAKE F RIENDS: Would knock on your front door
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say 'I'M HOME!'

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life

FAKE FRIENDS: will talk bad to the person who talks bad about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock the person out that talked bad about you

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Good for a couple of laughs

Witty one-liners

Dickson's Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure
you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.
If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

One good turn gets most of the blankets.

There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool who
said "Quit while you're ahead"?
(my fave)

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.

Willie was a Chemist, But Willie is no more, What Willie thought was
H20 Was H2SO4.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

Jury -- Twelve people who determine which client has the better

Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second
marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage,
the 'Y' becomes silent.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say, talk in your sleep.

These funny lines are real! Imagine how everyone was obliged to remain calm and orderly during the exchange.
Attorney: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No, I just lie there.

Attorney: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July 18th.
Attorney: What year?
Witness: Every year.

Attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget.
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

Attorney: How old is your son, the one living with you?
Witness: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Attorney: How long has he lived with you?
Witness: Forty-five years.

Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Attorney: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan.

Attorney: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
Witness: We both do.
Attorney: Voodoo?
Witness: We do.
Attorney: You do?
Witness: Yes, voodoo.

Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Attorney: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old,
how old is he?
Witness: Uh, he's twenty-one.

Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Would you repeat the question?

Attorney: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And what were you doing at that time?
Witness: Uhm...

Attorney: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: Were there any girls?

Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?

Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Attorney: Was this a male or a female?

Attorney: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your Attorney?
Witness: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Attorney: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Witness: Oral.

Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Witness: Huh?

Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.
Attorney: But nevertheless could the patient have still been alive?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

Dinner on Hooters Flight
It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked
John, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.

Boarding Pass
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said,
"Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

Frozen Turkeys
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Speeding Kid
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Bridge Delivery
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Sexual Exhaustion
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it,no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says,
"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

I have shaken of my melancholy, if relationships were swimming pools then please get me a life guard.So I'm thinking I should change the name of my blog to something with a little more dash hmmmmmm?

Friday, September 4, 2009

One year

A lot can change in a second, but this last year I learnt how much things, even when they change, actually still remain the same.

Its been one year;
one year since I stopped to smile,
one year where each step seemed like a mile.
one year since my sky turned gray,
one year since she walked away.
one year since she left my side,
one year spent bleeding inside.
one year spent with the darkest thoughts,
one year getting to know how much love hurts.
onw year dying a little everyday,
one year with my heart broken in 365 ways.
one year wishing she'd come back,
one year hoping she'll banish the dark.
one year dying to kiss her hair,
one year longing to whisper sweet nothings in her ear.
one year praying for God to take away this pain,
one year yearning to make love to her again.
one year spent all alone,
one year in which my house ceased to be my home.
one year and my sky is still blue,
one year and I'm still loving you.